​Dismantling the Internal Patriarch: A Psycho-spiritual approach By Philippa Aspey

Dismantling the Internal Patriarch: A Psycho-spiritual approach
By Philippa Aspey
‘Self-Care is how you take your power back’. 1
As some of you reading this will know, the word Patriarchy comes from the Greek; literally meaning ‘the rule of the father’. 2
We know that women have experienced oppression and subjugation in a devastating number of ways for centuries. We are aware of feminist movements, understandable reactions to thislevel of control. We’ve learnt about many courageous women who’ve fought back and stood up to the tyranny. We hold deep gratitude and respect for the women who have shouted themselves hoarse for the cause and paved the way for a future where women have the same rights as men.
We have journeyed far and broken many barriers, but are we where we want to be? And what has been the cost? Still, in 2024 there are many who have yet to experience liberation and exercise their equal rights. There is a deep, deep weariness experienced by those who continue to engage in bringing about this necessary change. And there are, within the feminist movements and fields of sexuality/gender, many cracks and fissures which require our attention.
Activism and campaigning have their place and are as important as ever, but at this crucial point in time there is a need to dive deeper; to understand what underpins this damaging and pernicious system that we are living in, and have all unconsciously internalised, regardless of our gender.
One of the most important things that I have learnt as a psychotherapist is that if we want to see long-term change for the better, we need to begin with ourselves. Not only is it importantto understand what underpins oppressive and controlling behaviours in others, (unprocessed trauma resulting in a deep sense of inadequacy/worthlessness) but to understand what drives our own process in reaction to these behaviours. 
The imbalance in the external world reflects the imbalance within each and every one of us. 
Until we examine and align ourselves with our own authentic core values, we are travelling through fog; and this generates fear. As Marie Curie said, ‘Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood.’3
Although fear of failure is incredibly common in western cultures, we have also been conditioned to fear personal success. I don’t mean success in the patriarchal sense (status, money, material goods) but engaging in a life where we feel fulfilled; a life where we are doing what we love and connecting authentically to others, a life with our Unique Purpose.
1.Lalah Delia
2.Wikipedia
3. The Mental Health Handbook- Trevor Powell
This fear is strongly attached to a belief that we don’t deserve to live a life that we want, that we’re unworthy. On a conscious level you may instantly disagree with this, but dig much deeper and you may stumble across this hurdle. Marianne Williamson writes about this in the following poem.
‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.*
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God * that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.’
* (Insert whatever word you feel comfortable with if the word God doesn’t resonate with your experience) 
To relinquish the power of the Patriarchy therefore, we deserve and owe it to ourselves to examine what we have internalised, and to let go of what no longer serves us. 
It is essential that we make time to rest, recuperate and reset. That we find and/or create safe spaces to be heard, witnessed and with the appropriate support, gently and lovingly‘dismantle’ our own conditioning in order to focus on empowering our authentic self.  
4. Marianne Williamson – Return to Love
5. Recommended work- books that may assist with the healing process are: The Artist’s Way Julia      Cameron, Mind Over Mood Greenburger and Padesky, The Self-Esteem Workbook Glenn R. Schiraldi, The Mental Health Handbook Trevor Powell, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook Edmund Bourne.
 
We need to examine and question long-held beliefs. To relinquish the striving and relentless pursuit of goals/perfectionism/ status/ achievement. To release our obsession for being busy and filling every second with ‘doing’. To lessen the pressure for ‘success’, and loosen our grip on the ‘shoulds’, ‘musts’ and ‘oughts’. To place as much value on intuition, emotional intelligence, imagination, creativity and lateral thinking as we do on reason, rationality, logic and linear thinking. 
To let go of and transmute our grief, shame and rage and in time, invite others to do so too. Our rage is entirely valid, as are all our emotions, but to get stuck in blame disempowers us further. To tell our stories in safe places of non-judgement, empathy and compassion. To listen to our own intuition. To acknowledge and honour our vulnerability. To learn active listening and be kind. 
To prioritise creativity, in any form, for the enriching process that it is rather than fret about the end result. To sit with uncertainty and to trust the unknown. To sit in silence and nature. To transcend polarities. To cultivate compassion, acceptance and a trust in something ‘other’.To bring ourselves, then others if they choose, back into balance and know that co-operation and community is the future.
 
Copyright © Philippa Aspey 2024​​​​​​​​
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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